Sheer Lunacy
by eostby
Summary: In the ever-expanding multiverse of the world of Harry Potter, one person has figured out how to bring others from their worlds into hers. That person is Luna Lovegood. If you think she's using this power for anything other than the obvious, you don't know Luna very well. Crack fic, but you probably could have guessed that.


**A/N: I've been tinkering with this particular story for a while. It's mostly a guilty pleasure story (really, aren't all crackfics?), but I've finally decided that it's ready for release to the world. As always, JK owns the Potterverse, but I'd like to think I might have a small claim on the Lunaverse.**

As she regained consciousness, Luna couldn't help but think that whoever decorated this room certainly had good taste. Even the slowly receding purple haze looked good here. She saw a person advancing towards her through the shadows, not moving too fast, but very deliberate with their motions.

"How did I get here?"

"I brought you here."

"Who are you?"

"I'm you."

"How?"

"The fabric between dimensions was weak, so I broke through it to get you."

"Why?"

"Why else?"

"Hm. That does explain why I'm already tied up."

"Yes, we are a naturally kinky person, aren't we?"

"It does seem that way."

"All of the others came to the same conclusion."

"You've done this before, then?"

"The abduction, or what comes next?"

"Both, I suppose."

"Oh yes, it's quite fun, and since we all know how we would react, no one's ever in any particular danger."

"Well, that's reassuring. In my world, I've yet to convince either Harry or Hermione to ravish me, but maybe I'll learn something useful here."

"Oh, you're a Lunar Harmony lover? How wonderful; you always seem to be the most fun Luna."

"There are other kinds out there?"

"Of course, silly. There's Harem Lunas, Ginny Lunas, Padma Lunas, some Blaise Lunas for whatever reason, a large number of Neville Lunas, quite a few just Harry Lunas, a similar number of just Hermione Lunas, and numerous other varieties across a wide spectrum of possibility. Hopefully, they all feel as loved as we are."

"And what category do you fall in?"

"I am a very rare breed of Luna. I am a Luna Luna, though on the few occasions where other Lunas have accidentally brought their partners along for the ride I've enjoyed them as well, so I'm not solely a Luna Luna, but there's just something about us that makes me rather hot and bothered. You know the feeling, I'm sure."

"Well, yes, I do get that urge some of the time. So you get it in a higher frequency, or more actively, or…"

"Oh, I almost have it constantly. That's why I must bring so many other Lunas here, because I have grown incapable of sating the desires myself."

"Oh dear. I don't know whether I should feel happy for you, or very sorry for you."

"It's probably somewhere in between, but no matter. I've yet to meet the Luna who leaves here unsatisfied, and that includes me."

"Goody! Um, will the straps be tied the entire time?"

"That really depends on your preferences."

"Hm. Well, I do enjoy them once in a while, but my Harry and Hermione seem to keep slipping out of them, so I should probably learn how to do without."

"Ah, the age old Harmony problem, when they just won't listen to reason."

"It is rather annoying, especially considering how perceptive Hermione usually is."

"Yes, I've found she's often the one with the blind spot on this issue. Harry is more open to the idea, of course, but as he's usually gotten with Hermione first, he's loath to go against her. Pity that, but they always seem to come around in the end. And you're sure your Hermione isn't secretly a sub? They sometimes are."

"Sadly, mine doesn't seem to be. Then again, my Harry hasn't shown any flashes of being particularly dominant either."

"Shame. If you do ever need a bit of excitement in that area, I'd suggest checking out your world's Su Li. She's usually into that sort of thing."

"Oh, I have. Many times over, actually."

"Good, good! Even if things don't work out quite as you hope, you'll have something to look forward to regardless."

"Yes, but while Su is a nice distraction, it just won't be the same without the taste of unrepentant bookworm every once in a while."

"Oh you poor Luna, you've got it bad for Hermione, don't you?"

"It's hard not to fall in love with someone who's saved your life a couple times."

"Ooh, exciting! So if you're that into Hermione, are you sure you need green-eyed and gorgeous at all?"

"Of course I do! I can't expect Hermione to fulfill all of my desires at the same time, can I? And Harry's also saved my life a time or two."

"OK, OK, if you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"I think that covers my usual set of questions for a newly arrived Luna. Do you have any more for me, or should I begin the ravishing now?"

"Let me think. Oh! Does using some sort of mouth covering to muffle screams of pleasure actually make things better? I've been trying duct tape, but it doesn't seem to be anything special."

"Duct tape? You mean that Muggle stuff that sticks too tightly to faces and other places? Maybe that's why you've not gotten your Harmony yet. Silly girl, you don't need to add that to a romantic situation. If you really need a gag, use something more cloth based."

"Ah! Thank you." Luna frowned. "But I rarely have something on that meets that definition."

"Use Hermione's. You'd be surprised how often she favors lacy and kinky over something more practical."

"Really? Oh my."

"It has to be something about the Muggle upbringing. It's the only logical conclusion I can get to. Any more queries?"

"Will I have time at the end if I think of any more?"

"Probably not, as I intend to ravish you senseless and then send you back so you aren't missed."

"Oh poo. Well, I think I've gotten enough knowledge for now. Am I likely to come back and see you again?"

"Interesting question. I've not repeated a Luna yet, though I do try to keep an eye on any who've been here, but I suppose you could be the first return guest if you really want to."

"I think I'd like that."

"Great! I'll definitely try and repeat the process to make sure I get you a while from now. Do let me know how your Harmony works out. Now, are you nice and ready?"

Both Lunas caught the eye of the other and spoke in unison. "I'm always ready, but rarely nice."

* * *

Luna woke up from what felt like the most pleasant dream she'd ever had, mild soreness aside. Opening her eyes, she saw the concerned faces of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger looking at her from the end of her bed.

"Are you all right, Luna?" asked Harry. "We heard you moaning and screaming all night."

Luna thought back to her experiences, but knew that neither Harry nor Hermione were likely to believe her story, whether it had been a dream or not. "I suspect the Nargles were afoot overnight," Luna replied dreamily. "Not to worry, I'm sure I'll be out of their influence soon." She caught Hermione looking at her pillow, which seemed to have a chain attached to a leather cuff sticking out from under it. Luna also stared at the strap for a moment, fairly sure there hadn't been one on her bed when she went to sleep, but nonchalantly slid it all the way under her pillow. "Was there something else you needed?"

Hermione blinked a few times, glanced at Harry for a moment, then replied, "No, I think that's all for now, Luna. Do tell us if you need anything." She stole one more glance at the pillow, unconsciously licked her lips slightly, then pulled Harry out of the room.

"Hm," thought Luna, "maybe the other me was right about Hermione after all."

* * *

 _Meanwhile, in another dimension…_

"Oh my, a Daphne Luna? This is a real treat!"


End file.
